Chiropteran Underground

Wednesday, 20 2008f February, 2008

Just answering the question

Filed under: Abuse, Daily life — Tags: , — chiroptera @ 9:36 pm

Lowry emailed a question to me one day recently.  I was going to ignore his stupid email, but instead I wrote back a brief answer.  He then replied to my reply, stating I don’t want to hear from you again.  Could this man be a bigger jerk?  He was acting like I had written to him in the first place, when really I had only answered his question.  Of course, when we were still dating he called me one day and then angrily told me he was busy and it wasn’t convenient to talk.

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Thursday, 14 2008f February, 2008

Underground on the Web

Filed under: About me, About this blog — Tags: , , — chiroptera @ 12:14 am

Please don’t worry that I’m literally on the run or hiding in a cave somewhere.  I just can’t write certain personal and career-related items out in the open anymore.  Mostly I can’t post personal information because of Lowry.  I can’t say anything about him because he made certain threats about that.  But here I am not calling him by his real name and most readers won’t know who he really is, so it’s okay.  And I don’t want to give too much personal information at the old web hangout because Lowry is still reading it and I don’t want him to know what’s going on in my life.

Sunday, 3 2008f February, 2008

When I realized Lowry was abusive

Filed under: Abuse — Tags: , , , , — chiroptera @ 4:58 pm

Near the end of October, we had a big fight one Sunday morning.  Lowry was in my kitchen cooking breakfast.  I suggested that there was another pan he might want to use.  Lowry got very angry, accused me of being controlling, yelled at me for being unappreciative that he was cooking breakfast, and left angry.  It really seemed like he was just picking a fight that morning. 

We split up for a couple of days, but had some phone conversations during that time.  He yelled at and berated me on the phone during most of those conversations.  I can still hear him yelling loudly and sharply into the phone, “Shut up.  Just shut up.” and even worse things, like telling me that I was, “a selfish little child.”  He had made threats of using the legal system against me (because he thought I had ‘broken into’ his email–something I had not done).  He also informed me that he had the right to have sex with whomever he wanted and it was none of my business.  I pointed out that we had agreed to be exclusive and that I was behaving based on the belief that we were exclusive.  He argued that he had agreed to that, but that he still had a right have sex with other people and that his right still existed even though he wouldn’t do it. 

It sounds crazy to me now, but somehow within a couple of days I was agreeing that we had both done some things wrong, apologizing to him, and offering to see a therapist about my problems.  It seemed sensible and mature at the time.  The evening we decided to work things out and that I agreed to behave better in this relationship was one of his rare moments of really listening to me.  He walked in my door that evening and behaved in a very non-threatening, almost humble, manner, sat on my couch and offered to listen without interrupting for 5 minutes.  He then reflected on what I said and seemed to empathize.  Things were better for a few days, maybe even a couple of weeks.  Of course, it didn’t take long before I had that walking on egg shells feeling every time I was around him again. 

 That, I think, is pretty much the definition of being emotionally and verbally abused.  It didn’t just start that Sunday with the fight about which pan to use, but I recognized–or at least suspected–it at that point.  Still, I didn’t end our relationship until January.  I was in a bad place and needed him.  Of course, much of the credit/blame for putting me in that bad place goes to him.

I’ll tell more of what happened with Lowry, but I do have other things I want to talk about, too.

Saturday, 2 2008f February, 2008

Feeling like a clown

Filed under: Let the music say it — Tags: , — chiroptera @ 8:27 pm

Thursday, 31 2008f January, 2008

The recent breakup

Filed under: Daily life — Tags: , — chiroptera @ 11:21 pm

I have been doing pretty well considering it has been less than a month since the breakup with Lowry.  But tonight for some reason I am very sad about it again.  Let me clarify.  I’m not so upset about the breakup.  I’m upset about the relationship.  I’m not going to try to tell the history of the relationship with Lowry in this post or even in segments in multiple posts.  But most of the story will probably come out over time. 

 Hopefully, though, I’ll have better things to talk about.  Mostly, I want to talk about the sorts of things I have talked about before, but under a pseudonym here so I can say more.

Tuesday, 29 2008f January, 2008

Bad times, good times

Filed under: Daily life — Tags: , , , — chiroptera @ 10:28 pm

Things are not going so well lately, but hopefully I will get to talk about good things as well as bad things on this blog.

 One good thing that happened recently:  I learned that a job I would really like may be posted soon.

 One bad thing that happened recently:  My ex-boyfriend made me cry.

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